Tuesday, July 10, 2012

The Field Beyond...

Do you ever feel alone, just plain alone? I mean, you're in a room buzzing with people... chit-chat and broad, toothy smiles abound... but YOU are alone. A terrible shrinking feeling overwhelms you, like a magnet is sucking you out of your space in the room. People are everywhere, but every exchange is distant. Every look is empty, and every shoulder brush is senseless. 

Yet you ache to be known.


Sounds all too familiar, right? Sounds too close for comfort? It's because I know you. I know it all too well because I am you. When you were in the room feeling empty and wrecked, I was there too. We may have even brushed shoulders a time or two.

Feeling alone is the most detestable, nagging feeling known to a realized man (or woman)... It's also the most common. Since the dawn of recorded thought, we've seen artists, writers, and even the minds of science struggle with the introspection called loneliness.

And what a beast loneliness is. It's often at the root of several other animals: depression, anger, anxiety, insomnia, low self-esteem, addictions...

To be lonely is to be human. But to be at peace we must find ways to face our fears of insignificance. Because at the root of loneliness is the fear of being insignificant. To look life in the face, to stare our very existence down is an insurmountable task. Who am I? Why am I here? Where am I going? What does it all mean?

We long to know the answers.

So we obsess, and we ache.

It's as if having these answers would rid us of our insignificance and numb the wounds our loneliness has inflicted on our psyche and spirits.

(If you're still reading this because you hope I may provide an answer or two, then I'm afraid I may be of disappointment to you. But I do have a message I pray you'll receive.)

Beyond the questions, beyond the fears of insignificance, beyond the deep pools of loneliness... there is a field. And in that field is a panacea, a absolute healing power. In that field is every other soul who has gone before you. And cradling that field are the hands of God.

By your very existence you have defeated insignificance. In your very footprint, there are layers upon layers of other men and women walking the same human experience as you. And God, the creator of all things living and beautiful, is at the beginning and end of this human journey.

You were never alone.

You are not alone now.

You will never be alone.

God set you on your path. He'll be there when you return. And in the middle of it all, when he feels too far behind or too far ahead, picture the field beyond all the questions and fears. Feel all the other souls around you who are just like you. Take heart in that. Find peace in that.

And feel the hands of God cradling us all as you envision the vibrant green expanse. Because we are significant, united, and dearly loved.

We are never alone.


I'll meet you in that field,
The Universal Soul

Sunday, July 8, 2012

I Hope You Dance

Things never seem quite right when I'm away from pen and paper, or from the iPad keyboard for that matter. When I'm not writing, things in my mind circulate like a water spout, and I begin to wonder what it all really means.

I don't know many things, but I do know for sure that we are all very different people; what one person embraces another person is confounded by, and one person's truth is another person's lie. For me, my truth is that I am both a sensitive and anxious person. Over the years of my adolescent and adult life, I tried to ignore these two truths. I'd hide them only to find them. I'd shame them instead of embracing them. I'd apologize for them instead of advocating for them. The dance played on and on, and it was a dysfunctional, mismatched dance where I didn't know who was leading or what the steps even were. It was a dance that didn't fit me, performed to music I didn't even like.

Honestly, it made me sick. But through the struggle I learned an imperative lesson about dancing: I'm no Tango. Never was, never will be.

I was always something else entirely...

I'm classic ballet. I take life slowly, sensitively, contemplatively... I find beauty in the journey and often feel overwhelmed by the buzzing pace of this world and the insanity that can take place in its peripheries. Ballet is about simplicity and raw beauty; it forces the viewer to feel the smallest thing in the deepest way and relies on the performance alone to speak a thousand words.

Now, I know it seems like I'm being abstract or straying from my point, but I promise you this is important. It's important because we all need to know our truths and how to dance with life. Once we can identify our personal truths, we can learn to embrace them and create a toolbox to live with them and enhance our experiences through them. Being sensitive isn't all bad; it helps me to empathize with others and gives me depth. Maybe I'm much kinder because of it. Maybe I'm more patient with it. Yes, I might hurt a little more about small things that others may find silly, but it's my truth, and I'm learning to advocate for myself. And maybe anxiety isn't the worst disorder to have. It makes me aware and helps me to be more careful in my decision-making. Because of it, I have compassion for others with anxiety and depression like I never could have had if I had not struggled with it as well. And in the end, both sensitivity and anxiety help to put things in perspective for me. I ask myself, am I at peace? Am I understood? If I can answer yes to both of those questions, then I am a happy girl. I don't need anything else: no material wealth, power, or prestige are required. I've learned to let my truths make life beautifully simply for me, rather than creating a reality of jagged edges and painful turns. It wasn't easy, as most good things never are. I danced through illness. Danced through pain. Danced through loss. Danced through judgement. But what matters is that I danced! And what matters is that you do too!

I've learned to dance with life on my terms, and I pray the same for you. The sooner we realize who we really are and honor those core truths of our spirit, the sooner we will be able to live our truth and dance the dance only we can dance!

I hope you dance,
The Universal Soul

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